Hachet 2 (2010)

Revisit
Format: DVD
Venue: Rivendell

The movie may not have altered my supreme distaste for the first Hatchet, but it forced me to reconsider Hatchet as a franchise. So much fun, so bloody, and much stronger from a technical filmmaking standpoint than its predecessor. Check out this week's Under the Radar over at Hollywood.com to see me lavish more praise upon Hatchet 2.

For The Checkings Out!

Rating: 6/10 Atkins

Over the Top (1987)

1st View
Format: Blu-ray
Venue: Rivendell

I love, love, love, love, gravy, love, love this movie! Saw it for the first time and instantly decided to canonize it into the Junkfood Cinema family.

Check It!

Rating: 7/10 Atkins

The Mechanic (2011)

1st View
Format: DLP
Venue: Galaxy Highland (Press Screening)

Remake of one of the many, many films shown during Bronsothon. Check out my review on Film School Rejects.

Happy Fun Review Times!

Rating: 7/10 Atkins

Total Recall (1990)

Revisit
Format: Blu-ray
Venue: Rivendell

The Good: Fantastic story, badass gore effects, and loads of general genre funtimes! Sharon Stone is still hot as the surface of the sun and Michael Ironside is his typical villainous great. It was based on a book by Philip K. Dick and directed by Paul Verhoeven (Robocop).

The Bad: It is a Schwarzenegger film so a certain amount of cheeseball action hero cliches and bad one-liners.

The Weird: If you were going to build a installation (read shopping mall) on Mars and fill it with oxygen-breathing Earthlings, why the fuck would you then install thousands upon thousands of super flimsy windows? Seems a recipe for...exactly what happens.






Rating: 7/10 Atkins

 

The Frighteners (1996)

Revisit
Format: HD-DVD
Venue: Rivendell

The Good: Sharp, fun, popcorn-y horror film. Solid script and stellar performances from Michael J. Fox (one of his absolute best), Jeffrey Combs, and Dee Wallace Stone. Peter Jackson proves that those LotR films were no fluke.

The Bad: Watched the Director's Cut with 14min of additional footage...12 of which was deleted for good reason. The theatrical cut is far superior; tighter, more cohesive, far more entertaining.

The Weird: Jeffrey Comb's character lives on his own planet: Planet Looney Tunes. It's bizarre, but also entirely captivating.









Rating: 8/10 Atkins

Machete (2010)

1st View
Format: Blu-ray
Venue: Rivendell

The Good: Plenty of blood and hot women.

The Bad: Machete comes jam-packed with shit writing and an obnoxious identity crisis. It pretends to be a sendup of classic exploitation films only in so much as it serves as a cop out for Rodriguez's horrendously bad filmmaking. Beyond that, the aesthetic and spirit that allowed Grindhouse to work so well is completely abandoned.

The Weird: The scene where Jessica Alba is on the phone with her boss features one of the single worst cinematography choices I've ever seen. It incessantly flips back and forth between a headon closeup and a profile closeup.

Rating: 3/10 Atkins

Murder by Death (1976)

Revisit
Format: Netflix WI
Venue: Rivendell

The Good: Out and out amazing film! The concept is genius, the cast is legendary, and the execution is as smooth as a perfect whiskey. The idea of gathering literature's most famous detectives (save Sherlock Holmes) and pitting them against each other in a crime-solving contest is fantastic and allows for some tremendously sharp spoof. It is easy to recognize the film's roots as a play both because of how farcical it is and the theatricality of shot composition. Hilarious, witty, and criminally underrated.


The Bad: Slight lull just before the final frames is barely perceptible.

The Weird: Peter Sellers playing a Chinese detective with all the subtlety and political correctness of Tony Randall in The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao.

Rating: 9/10 Atkins

Blood Rage (1987)

Revisit 
Format: 35mm
Venue: Alamo Drafthouse

The Good: First Terror Tuesday of 2011 was a smashing success. When I first saw this film at BTSjunkie's Horror Movie night, it was hard to find anything redeeming. But this beautiful 35mm print proves that, while this is in fact a bad film, it displays a level of technical competency of which I was totally unaware. There's a difference between a bad movie and one so bad as to be a chore to sit through...this is the former. Lots of good gore.

The Bad: Blood Rage is pretty camptastic. It's a special kind of awful that never fails to entertain. The premise is an absurd Halloween ripoff with the slight twist that the crazy brother who escapes and comes home is actually SANE! The performance of Louise Lasser as the mother is so bugnuts insane as to call into question the use of method acting when it involves a cement mixer full of scotch.

The Weird: This movie was actually made in 1984 but a combination of the extreme gore and the fact that it sucked hard delayed its release three years. There are presently three cuts of this film in existence: the neutered "gore-free" version, the hardcore sloppy version, and a version somewhere in between. The middle lane version was the one shown at Terror Tuesday.

Rating: 3/10 Atkins

Police Academy (1984)

1st View
Format: AMC HD
Venue: Rivendell

The Good: A wacky 80s ensemble I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with and a fun premise. Kim Cattrall was super hot. 

The Bad: Some of the jokes are dated and flat.

The Weird: There was a span of time wherein Steve Guttenberg was the biggest star in the world. That's weird enough in and of itself.












Rating: 6/10 Atkins

The Lost Boys: The Thirst (2010)

1st View
Format: Netflix WI
Venue: Rivendell

The Good: This movie gets better as it progresses, that's about as kind as I can be to it. The two elements of the script that I actually do enjoy are the poignant head nods to the original film and the merciless slamming of Stefanie Meyer (author of those God-awful Twilight books).

The Bad: This is textbook shitty DTV filmmaking. The acting, for the most part, is abysmal, the script is a tightly-woven tapestry of cliches, and the effects are straight out of your cousin's backyard movies. Also, I can not abide the rancid emo cover of Cry Little Sister (the outstandingly awesome theme song from the first film). Why not just use the original goddamn song instead of paying a shit band to cover it?! 


The Weird: You have to admire the dedication of Corey Feldman. Knowing that he was to reprise his role as one of the Frog brothers one day, he decided to spend years and years taking copious amounts of drugs and drinking like a maniac until he reached the point where he looked and sounded exactly like an actual frog. Bravo!

Rating: 4/10 Atkins

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Revisit
Format: Blu-ray
Venue: Rivendell

Yup, just watching this for the upteenth time. Trying to see which movies I revisit the most this year. K-O!!!!

From Beyond the Grave (1973): A Evening for My Friend John

Revisit
Format: 35mm
Venue: Alamo Drafthouse

I love this movie, and my intention was to break it down like I do the others. But a few words from my good friend John Gholson changed the focus of this brief entry dramatically. We had gathered in support of John who had just had his home robbed. Some of us put together a drafthouse screening of this film that he loves and the outpouring of support was immense. Some donated money to help him recoup his loses, others donated DVDs and Blu-rays, and others were simply voicing their support with their presence.

John stood before the room and stated how, for the first time in many days, he felt fantastic. Then he talked about how amazing it was to be in a room full of friends who were all, for the most part, also friends with one another. But the moment that struck me most was when he observed that nearly all of us met at the Alamo. I try to explain to people what the Alamo means to me, but my words are meager and do little justice. But in that one moment, John summed up the impact this movie theater has had on my entire life. John is blessed, as am I, to be surrounded by our movie-centric family.

Though the means to this end were less than desirable, I want to thank John for reminding me of how fortunate I am.

Wolfen (1981)

1st View
Format: Netflix WI
Venue: Rivendell

The Good: Interesting take on werewolf cannon; really dug the Native American angle. Incidentally, this would make a great double feature with Prophecy. The kills are sleek and well executed via some fantastic practical effects. I appreciated the decision to go with real wolves as opposed to giant wolf monsters because it lends itself more seamlessly to the central concept. There are some decently creepy scenes including the scene near the end in the bar and the killing of Tom Noonan; great as always in this.


The Bad: If this movie were any drier, it would be a sandbox. Impossibly slow, overly moody, and featuring a host of misguided artsy gimmicks. It does everything it can to date itself and ends up succeeding to its own detriment. I also thought the ending was a complete joke.

The Weird: If you are the sort of person who feels that movies today lack the requisite amount of Edward James Olmos nudity, you'll be pleased as punch when you see him cavorting on the beach in the buff while pretending to be a wolf.


Rating: 5/10 Atkins

The Stone Killer (1973)

1st View
Format: VHS
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Good story, sharp production values, and Bronson still gets to ply his violent trade. The film was directed by Michael Winner (Death Wish) and based on a book written by John Gardner who wrote a number of fantastic James Bond novels.


The Bad: For whatever reason, I just could not get into this film. Granted, it was nearly dawn before I finished it so it certainly deserves a second viewing, but it did nothing for me.


The Weird: John Ritter pops up in a bit part as a police officer. If not for his distinctive voice, we might not have recognized him.

Rating Deferred Until 2nd Viewing. 

*That'll do it for Bronsothon. 3 days, 20 movies, countless dead.

Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994)

1st Views
Format: VHS
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Exactly one good kill. That's it.

The Bad: Death Wish V was so bad it made me angry. Death Wish was on track to be one of the most comprehensively entertaining franchises I had ever seen...and then this film had the audacity to go ahead and exist. The script is a joke, the acting is horrible throughout, and where DW4 felt slightly estranged from the original concept, the fifth installment feels 100% divorced from it. Bland, slapped-together, and irreconcilably tainted by the goddamn 90s, Death Wish V (which switches to Roman numerals for some damn fool reason) is the black sheep of the Death Wish series.


The Weird: Open vats of acid in textile factory...real, or complete bullshit plot device? I vote the latter. Oh, and how cheap was this production that the actors are wearing each other's clothes from one day to the next? It's true, in one scene Miguel Sandoval is wearing the exact suit Michael Parks wore earlier in the film.

Rating: 1/10 Atkins

Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987)

1st View
Format: VHS
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Some solid kills, Bronson still doing his thing, and the film overall is still fairly entertaining. The opening sequence is absolutely incredible. It evokes early John Carpenter and frames Paul Kersey as a badass superhero. I loved the hell out of it.

The Bad: This is the first film in the series that feels as if it's going off the rails a bit. There's still quite a bit of greatness to be mined, including the final kill, but it just seems lost in the woods and estranged from its original concept.

The Weird: When are people going to learn that the quickest route to an early grave is association with Charles Bronson? It's become the running gag of the series.






Rating: 6/10 Atkins

Death Wish 3 (1985)

1st View
Format: DVD
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Death Wish 3 has by far the most staggering body count of any of the films thus far examined in this project. While The Mechanic's record was holding steady at 21, DW3 torpedoes that record with violent fury. Only counting Bronson's kills, the total is 49. It became difficult to mark them on the pad and look up fast enough to catch the next one. Death Wish 3 is wild, unmitigated entertainment on a much larger scale than its predecessors but still feels genuinely rooted to the franchise.

The Bad: This is the first film in the series that feels more silly than gritty, but it manages to offset that with some unsettling, causeless violence at the hands of berserko street gangs that more or less run this section of New York. It's not technically good as the first two are, but it's as enjoyable for different reasons.

The Weird: The villain of the film, who is great in it by the way, is played by Gavan O'Herlihy. O'Herlihy is best known as Chuck Cunningham, the vanishing older brother of Richie Cunningham on TV's Happy Days. Apparently he climbed stairs in an innocuous episode and didn't come down until he was a coked up, homicidal gang leader in the 80s. Amazing!

Rating: 7/10 Atkins

Death Wish 2 (1982)

1st View
Format: VHS
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Actually manages to be, I wouldn't say better, but a more satisfying film than the first. It furthers the concept and expands the world of the first without doing anything that feels antithetical to the basic premise. The biggest advantage it has over the first is that Paul Kersey is actually tracking down and killing those directly responsible for his freshest batch of tragic misfortune rather than smiting random criminals.

The Bad: The detective character who allowed for Kersey's escape from New York, and prosecution, in the first film shows up in L.A. the minute a couple thugs get popped to let the LAPD know exactly who Kersey is and why he's the prime suspect. He then expresses no desire to be involved in the case. Then why did you fly all the way out to L.A. to give them a tip you could have easily provided over the phone?! And why have you suddenly decided you don't respect Kersey anymore only to once again switch allegiances at the end of this...CROSSEYED! 

The Weird: One of the muggers/rapists in this film is a very young Lawrence Fishburne.  

Rating: 7/10 Atkins

Mr. Majestyk (1974)

1st View
Format: DVD
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Great action, great cast, lots of fun. The deceptively gritty story rooted in grassroots America and the photographic approach to the shot composition reminded me of Sam Peckinpah. Bronson is one bad melon farmer...literally. 

The Bad: It does take a while to get going and the payoff could have been much stronger.

The Weird: The scene wherein the mobsters decide to hit Bronson where it hurts leads to the most brutal watermelon massacre every captured on screen. 










Rating: 7/10 Atkins

Death Hunt (1981)

1st View
Format: Netflix WI
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Death Hunt is an all-around marvelous piece of filmmaking. The story is simple, but elegant and the cinematography is breathtaking. The plot is essentially First Blood with Charles Bronson superseding Sylvester Stallone. It's a whirlwind of wilderness violence and epic chases. The cast is awe-inspiring in its badassitude. Bronson is joined by Lee Marvin, Carl Weathers, William Sanderson, Angie Dickinson, Ed Lauter, and--from 10 to Midnight--70s/80s cinematic gadfly Andrew Stevens. I loved nearly everything about this film.

The Bad: The only conceivable problem I can think of is that it takes a slight pacing dip about 2/3 of the way through, but it rebounds fairly spectacularly.

The Weird: Characters sporting 70s haircuts in a film set in the 1930s is a stylish anachronism.




Rating: 9/10 Atkins

Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects (1989)

1st View
Format: DVD
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Again we have a film with fabulous bookends and a lackluster center. The beginning and ending of the film are damn solid. It ends with an excellent shootout on a dock and opens with Charles Bronson angrily shoving a dildo up a pedophile's ass.

The Bad: Kinjite is an incredibly trashy piece of sleaze. It alternates between Bronson screaming racist epitaphs at Japanese people and an extended montage of greasy men raping a young girl. It's the kind of film that makes you feel as if you need to take a hot shower immediately afterward.


The Weird: There is a plot device involving the father of the kidnapped Japanese girl having bizarre sexual proclivities and groping Charles Bronson's daughter on a bus. You think this is building toward a conflict when Bronson is put on the case of the Japanese girl's abduction. And in fact there is a moment near the end of the film when the Japanese father, so pleased to have his daughter back, brings a gift to Bronson and the daughter recognizes him....and then nothing happens. Cinema's most unnecessary story element?

Rating: 5/10 Atkins

Breakout (1975)

1st View
Format: DVD
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Fluffy, moderately enjoyable jailbreak film. Great cast; Bronson, Duvall, Randy Quaid. I like that the film features Bronson's cowboy persona without having to be a western. Though Bronson is directly responsible for 0 kills, AGAIN, there is a propeller-related death at the end that is outstanding!

The Bad: Painfully average.

The Weird: A female accomplice of Bronson's begging him to rape her and then, when he declines, stating, "rape, I should be so lucky." You're welcome, women's lib.










Rating: 5/10 Atkins

Messenger of Death (1988)

1st View
Format: DVD
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: This film has one of the most brutal sequences in a Bronson film I've ever seen. At the film's open, an entire family of Mormons is shotgunned without mercy or hesitation including three moms, one of whom is pregnant, and five young children. Not that child murder is a good thing, but it is incredibly effective as a powerful inciting action that immediately commands your attention.


The Bad: The rest of the film squanders your attention. It is boring, muddled, and by the time the true villain is revealed, his explanation as to his motivation makes not one lick of sense. And yes, I'd been watching movies for a long time and was very tired. But no one in the room had any clue how the pieces of this messy clunker fit together. But ultimately my biggest complaint is that BRONSON DOESN'T KILL A SINGLE PERSON!! How can you possibly cast Bronson and not afford him the privilege of capping at least one sucka?! FAIL.

The Weird: This film, like several others we'd watched today, was directed by J. Lee Thompson. While I generally like Thompson's collaborations with Bronson, this entry notwithstanding, I've noticed a trope of his that bothers me to no end. He routinely has important plot points discussed by characters in a crowded location framed in a medium shot...like you do. But then he has extras walk directly in front of the camera and obstruct the principal actors behind. I noticed it in 10 to Midnight because an extra actually stopped walking and completely obscured a speaking character from the audience as she kept talking. He does it again here several times and it is sensationally annoying.

Rating: 2/10 Atkins

10 to Midnight (1983)

Revisit 
Format: Netflix WI
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: I really like this film. Saw it a couple years ago and fell in love with its unabashed weirdness. It's got a wonderful 80s slasher aesthetic and a cat-and-mouse game between Bronson and the killer that feels like a less bloody version of I Saw the Devil. Though Bronson himself only registers one kill, the menacing villain takes down six lovely ladies. The final ten minutes are a parade of nonstop awesomeness.

The Bad: A complete and utter waste of Wilford Brimley. There is also the first kill in which it is clear the victim runs in a complete circle back toward her pursuer because the director ran out of space in which to film. *Facepalm*


The Weird: The signature of this film is that the killer makes the choice to remove all clothing before each murder. This is often called the "naked killer" movie. And frankly, it is the best Bronson vs. Naked Killer film to ever be released in 1983.




Rating: 7/10 Atkins

The Evil That Men Do (1984)

1st View
Format: DVD
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, there are some great kills in this film. The film is  about a torture guru who plies his trade in Mexico among other countries with less-than-stable political regimes. But where most of his handy work is alluded to via newscasters and emergency room technicians, Bronson demonstrates his skill set for all to see with guns, knives, and even a nifty little fire hose trick.


The Bad: The story is extremely generic and I don't really buy Bronson's involvement in the proceedings.


The Weird: There is a scene wherein Bronson fights with a very large Mexican (whom I still contend is played by Richard Kiel but can't confirm) and grabs a mighty handful of the man's junk. He then proceeds to twist his manhood to near the breaking point. This is weird enough, but then the event manages to ensnare the attention of a bisexual bodyguard of our dastardly villain. Call me crazy, but if I were into dudes and saw one abusing that crucial part of the male anatomy in such a manor, my first response would not be to make a move on him. But then, that's just me.


Rating: 5/10 Atkins

Someone Behind the Door (1971)

1st View
Format: VHS
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

The Good: Incredibly strong concept that, were it made ten years sooner, leads me to believe that Someone Behind the Door would have surely been directed by Alfred Hitchcock.

The Bad: The pacing calls into serious debate the attention-holding power of watching snails crawl across a parking lot. The script never allows for anything but Anthony Perkins and Charles Bronson sharing space as talking heads in various rooms. It also has but one single lackluster kill that makes it completely worthless for my project but hey, how do you know unless you watch?

The Weird: Not sure who was in charge of coaching Charles Bronson on what it means to be amnesiac, but apparently all they did was show him the movie Charly, point to the screen, and said "do that." The correlation between amnesiac and mentally deficient is wildly inappropriate.


Rating: 6/10 Atkins

The Mechanic (1972)

1st View
Format: Netflix WI
Venue: Rivendell (Bronsothon)

 
The Good: The Mechanic is a great film. It gives us the violent, badass Bronson we want but is far more complex and intelligent than most of his movies. Bronson's character is far more layered than most of his action hero incarnations; every part of his life from his killing to his love-making being pains-takingly planned. The master/apprentice relationship between Bronson and Jan-Michael Vincent is fascinating. The conversations tend to run to the existential and smack of a Jean-Pierre Melville flick. But don't let all this highfalutin film school babble fool you, The Mechanic has also had the most kills of Bronsothon so far and they are all spectacular!


The Bad: The only fault I can find with the film is no fault at all. Now that I've seen the ending of the original, it stands to reason that I have a concrete idea of how the upcoming remake will end as well. But again, that's as much of a negative as I can find and it's completely absurd.

The Weird: Bronson's initial kill is so elaborate that, without further explanation, some of the steps seem entirely unnecessary and even counterproductive.

Rating: 8/10 Atkins